


FILE: HUNTED 1.5 or Sacrificing Sakaido

by ShadowcrestNightingale



Category: Id:Invaded (Anime)
Genre: Bad teamwork, Dark Humor, Extremely bad work day, Fan id well, Gen, Humor, Id well, Murder, Parody, Poor sense of humor, Sacrifice, Serial Killers, Slacking, Suicide, neurodivergent, sci fi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25580767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowcrestNightingale/pseuds/ShadowcrestNightingale
Summary: This is a tongue-in-cheek one shot of the Predator's id well from my serious fic, FILE: HUNTED. It spawned from a comment by Xrross about how this well would be Fukuda's wet dream. There is no way I can argue that. It absolutely is. So, here is a mockery not intending to be solved or get anywhere, just to explore how chaotic it would have been if they had tried to put Sakaido and Anaido in the savage jungle id well together. Do not expect anyone to be on their best behavior. :D This … is not going to go well for anyone, except maybe Fukuda. ;) And it's all for fun anyway. Oh yeah, head's up—contains spoilers if you haven't seen the series! Thanks for the story seed, Xrross! I owe yah!
Comments: 11
Kudos: 9





	FILE: HUNTED 1.5 or Sacrificing Sakaido

**FILE: HUNTED 1.5 or Sacrificing Sakaido**

It may have been night in this damn id well, but it was hot and humid as hell, like a maxed out sauna with the busted knob. Anaido's eyes caught every single leaf in his range of view, counting them all for the … well, ridiculous number of times. This wasn't his first round in this well and the fact that he remembered everything made this process rather tedious.

“Kaeru!” Sakaido prattled off the same damn lines.

Anaido rolled his eyes and lip synced along behind his back.

“My name is Sakaidooooooo....”

Anaido leaned over watching his partner tumbling with his arms flailing out into the dark void where he had just punted him. “Three … two … one. Cue the cat!”

The leopard lunged out from the branches and put an end to Sakaido's frantic screams.

“Whelp, no sense in hanging around on my own.” He whistled and cocked an ear for the tell tale ruffle of feathers. Less than a minute later a humongous harpy eagle swooped down and grabbed his extended arm digging the talons into his arm. It flew up into the treetops and landed, vicious beak at the ready aimed for his neck. “Hey, how's it hanging, buddy? How about you send me back to where I came from?”

The eagle shrieked and lunged down, sharp beak severing the arteries in his neck.

**~ID~**

“That son of a bitch!” Togo shouted. “Anaido has committed suicide, again!”

“And murder first. Sorry Narihisago.” Momoki practically tore his hair out in chunks. “Extract his ass. I know, I don't even have to ask. We didn't get a damned thing from any of these runs!”

Up on the ring Habutae was absolutely catatonic one finger hanging in front of a blank screen. Wakashika swallowed his eighth energy drink leaving him a jittering mess. Shiratake had utterly given up and was paging through a fishing getaway magazine.

Togo gripped the tablet in her white-knuckled hands and with a savage crack snapped the display into two bleeding halves.

Shiratake cast a glance down. “Ok. That's the fourth one she's broken and I didn't know that was humanly possible before today. How many are we going through til we admit this was a bad idea? You have two serial killers in a death jungle. The two are never going to play nice.”

Momoki sighed. “Just go fetch a spare tablet.”

“You're lucky Kura bought them in bulk.”

_**~ID~** _

“ … _sorry Narihisago.”_

Sitting up in the cockpit, Narihisago groaned and held the side of his neck. The whole thing slammed back into him and he realized why he felt like he'd been run over by a fleet of trucks. He snapped his eyes over to the other cockpit where Fukuda stirred as he came out of the dive, laughing.

Balling up a fist, Narihisago shook it at him. “You asshole! That's the sixteenth time you pulled something like that! That's not counting when you flat out hung Sakaido by the scarf.”

“Oh yeah, that was great. The way your face turned blue and you could hardly squeak before the eagle took off with you.” Fukuda's half-lidded eyes met his and he offered a lopsided grin. “What can I say, it's fun watching you die.”

“I may not remember the dives in the well, but I sure as hell feel it every damn time you knock me into the leopard!”

“And it never ceases to be amusing. Hahaha! The look on your face. So shocked every single time. You'd think you learn.” He pointed in a quick series of threes. “Oh yeah, you can't, cause unlike me you don't remember anything!”

Narihisago snarled. “Stop fooling around. We have a job to do. People are dying.”

“Sure. Sakaido is. Repeatedly.”

“That's not funny.”

“Depends on where you're standing.” He imitated the flailing arms. “Ahhhh hahaha!”

Surging to his feet, Narihisago was met by the guards holding him back with a great deal of difficulty as he dragged them across the floor. “That's it! I'll show you how funny this is! Screw talking! I'm gonna throttle you til blood comes out your nose!”

Fukuda chuckled. “Jeez, take a chill pill, buddy! Every time you died, I invited something equally as gruesome for myself. What is it with you, just like in that desert well, you're all uptight and focused on blood and piss.”

“Blood and piss? When I'm done they'll be mopping yours off the ceiling, laughing boy!”

“Oh come on, friends don't let friends die alone. Like I said, I always follow you into the grp of a beastie, every time.” Fukuda tapped his forehead three times. “Hey, three types of beasts in there! I knew I liked this well for a reason.”

Narihisago still leaned against the guards to hold him back. “You want a fist sized hole through your head? Cause you're asking for it!” He blinked and eyed the guards with a mischievous grin. "Which guard do I have to hit to earn a trip straight to solitary?"

The guards balked.

“ _Ok! Break it up you two! We have enough broken equipment up here with Togo snapping tablets. Fukuda, stop killing off Sakaido. Remember what I asked you to do?”_

He rolled his eyes. “Tell Narihisago who he is.”

Through gritted teeth Narihisago snapped, “What haven't you done even once!”

“Oh I'm getting around to it.”

“ _Let's try this again. Fukuda, tell him this time.”_

Sitting back down in the cockpit, Narihisago glared waiting for the insertion into the well. “You better!”

_**~ID~** _

Once more they stood in the jungle. Fukuda clapped a hand on Sakaido's shoulder. “You are Akihito Narihisago.”

His eyes narrowed in shock as the amnesia abated. Fukuda held him there grinning. Then, in a precisely timed shove, pushed him into the mouth of the waiting leopard guarding Kaeru.

He held his hands out knowing the crew could hear him. “What? I told him! Ok, now where was that snake?”

_**~ID~** _

SNAP!

Shiratake sighed and set his magazine aside. “Why don't I just fetch the box from storage?”

Momoki took out a bottle of aspirin and swallowed a few pills with a gulp of cold coffee. “Anyone know of an empty box well we could stick Fukuda in and leave him there for a few days?”

Wakashika's jittering fingers started to search. “On it, sir!”


End file.
